


That Much Loneliness

by fallingwthstyle



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Friendship, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-08 19:04:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1136296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingwthstyle/pseuds/fallingwthstyle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(New chapter added.) "They've done experiments with baby monkeys, where they separated them from their mothers. One group only got fed, and the other group got fed, played with and interacted with. The monkeys who were only fed all died; I think people can die from that much loneliness too."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Butters slowed his car to a stop alongside the curb between the rows of warehouses and self-storage places, looking nervously in the rearview mirror at the flashing red and blue police car lights a block over reflecting off the deserted buildings. The Denver cops were harassing the rentboys again, and this was a dangerous night to be out here, doing what he was doing.

He gripped the steering wheel with both hands, staring straight ahead now, trying to make his peripheral vision meet behind the back of his head. His heart was pounding, and he knew he shouldn't be here, he should be home cleaning something, or cooking, or studying for his CPA license.

Only one thing gave him the confidence to stay: He had the ultimate power over his fate tonight. He would either get what he wanted…or he would go home alone again. It was the third possibility, that he would get something else tonight that he wanted to a lesser degree but knew was inevitable, that gave him the courage to remain here despite the danger of being arrested…or worse.

He fingered the pill bottle in his shirt pocket, drawing what he recognized was a twisted feeling of comfort from it. His 25th birthday was in two weeks, and he'd been saving up for it for almost half a year: Eighty of his own prescription Ambien sleeping pills, plus an assortment of psychiatric and pain meds he'd been slowly accumulating by swiping them from his mother, two or three every week, over the past six months. The bottle had become so stuffed full of pills it wouldn't make a sound if he tried to rattle it. He figured those, plus as much of the fifth of vodka as he could gulp down from the unopened bottle next to him should do the trick. A couple mouthfuls of what would feel like gravel going down his throat followed by a few gulps of liquor would be nothing when put alongside what he lived with every day. He'd already accepted the fact that if a cop tried to detain him while he was here tonight, he would move his 'celebration' up to right now. Fuck it.

Butters had already turned down the approaches of two young men earlier this evening, both of whom he considered and then dismissed as 'rough trade' and not what he was seeking. He wished he could find that nice Japanese fella again, Kim-something; he had almost been able to give Butters what he needed their one night together some three months ago. Butters had paid him handsomely, bought him a nice breakfast the next morning, and asked to see him again.

Which of course had never happened.

A siren split the silence as the cop car a block over suddenly roared off in pursuit of someone or something. The flashing lights behind him vanished, and then the police cruiser roared through the intersection up ahead a block away and disappeared around another row of warehouses, tires squealing and red and blue flashers strobe lighting the night. Butters breathed a sigh of relief, thinking it might be best just to go home to his apartment and lie in bed and try to sleep.

Maybe he could spare a single pill from his growing collection to help him sleep tonight. The idea of splurging on himself troubled him though. He didn't deserve it.

He was about to turn the ignition key and drive away from this awful place when someone slipped from the shadows between two buildings and approached the passenger side of his car. His hand on the key hesitated, not quite ready to give up yet, while he studied the approaching figure. He had absolutely nothing to lose. Whoever was coming toward his car was very slender, and despite the fact that his face was mostly hidden behind the hood of a parka, somehow he seemed nonthreatening, perhaps nice even. Maybe nice enough to talk with for a few minutes at least.

Butters already knew all his car doors were locked. He reached over to his door and pressed a button to lower the passenger window a few inches. The person stopped just outside the car, pulled his hood off and looked in the window. Both of their eyes flew open at the same moment as they recognized each other. Butters spoke first.

"Ken…Kenny McCormick?"

His once friend and former classmate's face split into a huge grin. "Butters mother fucking Stotch! Holy shit, dude…what…are you out here slumming or something?"

Butters was torn between wanting to start his car and speed away as fast as he could from this, and…and not doing that yet. He hadn't seen his old friend Kenny in almost five years, yet his face still looked almost exactly the same.  _Shouldn't be here, you shouldn't be here…_ echoed over and over, as his hand slowly left the key and found its way to his lap. He knew there was a huge potential for humiliation here, one he might not possibly be able to live down (but there was always the pill bottle) and as well a chance that this might just be okay.

Another police car that neither of them saw coming shot through the intersection at a high rate of speed. Kenny looked away for a moment, then turned back and said somewhat urgently, "Hey man, can I get in your car and we get out of here? It's kind of fucked up here tonight, and maybe you could drop me off a few blocks away?"

Butters only hesitated a moment, then thumbed the button that unlocked the passenger door of his car. The lock opened,  _ca-chunk._ Kenny opened the door immediately, sat down heavily in the passenger seat and slammed the door again, curling his long legs and wrapping his arms around his knees as if he were cold. The vodka bottle clanked against the center console. Butters' car started instantly, and he slowly pulled ahead and turned the vehicle around and headed toward the lights of downtown, both of them looking out the windows nervously.

A minute later they were out of danger and were driving down the main road, the neon signs of fast food places and gas stations passing by on both sides. Butters drove a few blocks in the direction of home and then abruptly pulled into the parking lot of a convenience store and turned his car off again. He sat quietly, staring at the dark dashboard display.

"Fuck, Butters!" Kenny said happily, excited to see his old friend again and happy to be in a warm and safe place. "Where do we even begin to get caught up right now? I'm fine, cooking and washing dishes at the Olive Garden and supplementing my income by night…" He trailed off as he noticed Butters wasn't sharing his enthusiasm. After an awkward moment, he added more quietly: "So…are you looking for something tonight? Or, uh, should I just get out now?"

Kenny expected Butters to at least think about the question for a few seconds, but instead he just shook his head. "No. No, Ken…I-I'd like it if you'd stay."

He looked  _so_  nervous and out of place here. Kenny reminded himself that this was, after all, one of his oldest friends, and put his hand over Butters' forearm.

"Okay." His thumb caressed the thin wrist. "I'll stay." He smiled and his grip loosened but he kept his hand there. "So…you  _are_  looking for something?"

The question lingered in the air for a long moment. Butters finally turned to look at him. "You…you're for sale, Kenny?" He looked frightened that Kenny might have been offended. "I mean…oh geez…I didn't mean it that way…"

Kenny just smiled. It was, after all, a perfectly legitimate question, and he had just given Kenny a ride out of Denver's most renowned rentboy district. There could only be one reason why Butters had been there at almost two in the morning.

"Geez, Butters, just relax, okay?" He carefully squeezed Butters' forearm again, hoping it felt comforting. "You have the right to ask." His fingers wandered, caressing the back of Butters' hand. "I appreciate the ride out of there, and if you want to hook up tonight, I think we could have some fun together."

Butters' uncomfortable silence made Kenny aware that he hadn't actually answered his question.

"Well, so yeah…I guess I am for sale." Kenny looked around himself, at Butters' nice almost new car, taking a long look at the unopened bottle of vodka on the seat next to him. "Or for rent anyway."

"You'll do whatever I want Ken?" He was pleading, rather than negotiating. "Stay the rest of the night with me?" Butters asked, looking hopefully at him now. It was that same hopeful look he had all through school, and it was a look Kenny remembered well.

"Well, dude…it's almost two o'clock in the morning. I usually charge about two hundred bucks if someone wants to spend the whole night with me…but since it's so late…"

"Two hundred dollars?" Butters interrupted. "And you'll come home with me, and…and do whatever I want?"

"Yeah." Kenny was delighted by how this evening was turning out.

Butters reached under his seat for his wallet and rifled through it, pulling out ten twenty dollar bills and handing them over. Kenny took the money from Butters' hands and looked up at him, his face lit by the glow from the streetlights around them. His smile was kind. He thrust the money into the pocket of his parka.

"Okay?" Butters' eyes had a new look in them, one that was both eager and sad somehow.

Kenny fingered the money in his pocket and nodded.  _Easiest two bills ever._  "Sure." He cleared his throat. "I'm all yours for the night, I guess. Where to?"

Butters started his car again and drove off, and after a few miles pulled into the parking lot of an apartment complex. Kenny looked around admiringly. This place seemed fairly upscale; Butters must be doing all right for himself. This could become a regular thing, and there were far more disagreeable people in the world than Butters to make that sort of arrangement with.

They climbed out of the car, Butters using his key fob to lock his car as they walked toward the main entrance of the building. He led the way down the hall and opened his door into a large and impeccably clean apartment, the TV in the living room showing an old black and white movie with the sound muted. Kenny walked inside and sat down on the couch.

"This is a nice place, Butters," Kenny said, looking around at the large flat screen TV, the leather furniture, the completely bare walls.

Butters stood beside him for a moment, looking uncertain. "Thank you." He looked like he wanted to sit down for a moment and was debating with himself whether he was going to or not. "Do you want something to eat, Ken?" he finally asked. "I can make us a couple sandwiches."

 _Just like when we were in school,_ Kenny thought. Well, why not? He actually was hungry, and Butters had already given him two hundred bucks without so much as blinking.

"Sure; I could eat a sandwich. Ah, thanks."

Butters nodded and walked into his kitchen, opened his fridge and pulled out a loaf of bread, luncheon meat, and assorted condiments and set to work. He came into the living room a minute later carrying two plates and handed Kenny one of them and sat down on the couch next to him. He had made them two enormous sandwiches, and they ate in silence for a few moments, Kenny realizing he had been hungrier than he thought.

"So, what do you want to do, dude?" Kenny finally asked, putting his half-eaten sandwich back on the plate. "Your two hundred bucks will pay for just about anything…unless you want something really weird or something."

Butters looked down at the plate on his lap, willing himself not to knock his fists together. "I…I dunno, Kenny. Maybe what I want  _is_  sort of weird…" He fell silent.

Kenny knew he was nervous, and put what he again hoped was a reassuring hand over Butters' wrist. He'd dealt with a couple of first-timers before, but Butters seemed nervous for a different reason. He seemed about to speak, then clenched his lips shut tighter.

Kenny moved his hand up to Butters' shoulder to pull him closer and whispered against his cheek, "Just tell me, man." He smiled. "It's okay…some people are into some really strange shit." He wondered what Butters' kink was going to be, once he found the courage to voice it. A lot of things—water sports, humiliation, whipping—were going through Kenny's mind as possible answers. In hindsight, Kenny knew he should have expected the one he finally got.

"I…Kenny, I don't really want to have sex." He lowered his eyes. "I mean, kinky or otherwise. I—I …just want someone to cuddle with for a few hours, okay? I just want someone to make me feel like they care about me for a little while." He swallowed, hard. "That's all."

Kenny's eyes narrowed. Butters leaned over and put the side of his head against Kenny's chest, wrapping an arm around him to pull him closer as if this would make it harder to turn down his request. He turned his head, burrowing his face into Kenny's sweatshirt. "You can do that for me…right, Ken?"

Kenny looked down at the blond scalp inches below his chin. The last time he'd held someone this way, it had been Karen when she was little, and the sounds of their parents' fighting in the next room had awoken her.

"Of course." Kenny put his arm around Butters and rocked him. "If that's what you want…sure."

They cuddled quietly for several minutes, Kenny still slowly rocking him. He thought Butters might even have fallen asleep, but then he said in a quiet monotone, "pretty pathetic, huh?"

Kenny rocked him a little harder. "No, man. Uh huh." He came to a sudden decision, one he hadn't even realized he'd been pondering. "If you just want to cuddle with me tonight, that's cool. But I need to talk to you for a minute first." He patted Butters' shoulder and then sat up straight, easing away from him.

Butters looked at him nervously. "Is something wrong, Ken?"

He reached down and took Butters' hand, lacing their fingers together. "No, nothing's wrong. It's just that…and this is going to sound sort of fucked up, but…I take pride in my work. Even if it's shitty work and I make part of my living letting old men suck my dick and whatever…at least I try to be nice to them about it. I take pride in doing a good job, you know?"

He squeezed Butters hand and then released it, reaching into his coat pocket for the money Butters had given him and setting it on the table. The pile of bills slowly uncurled.

"Dude, if I take your money just to cuddle with you, it's like I'm not being sincere about it, you know?" He took Butters' hand again. "I don't want your money to do that. What you can do instead is let me sleep here tonight, and buy me breakfast in the morning. Village Inn, all you can eat Sunday breakfast buffet. And maybe let me take a hot shower while I'm here. Would that be all right?"

Butters stared at the money on the table. He shook his head. "Kenny?...are you sure?"

"I'm not just sure; I'm HIV positive." Kenny said and laughed at the old joke; then, given the circumstances added: "Just kidding." He squeezed the hand he was holding. "So…do we have a deal?"

Butters squeezed back. "I—I guess so."

"Good" Kenny let go of Butters hand to reach up and hold him again. Butters settled with a contented sigh against Kenny's chest.

A few minutes went by, then Butters asked, "Do you want to…to go to my room?"

Kenny squeezed his shoulder. "Sounds like a wonderful plan." Butters smiled shyly at him and stood up. He led Kenny to the hall, past a door that was probably a second bedroom, past the open door of a bathroom that was as meticulously clean as the rest of the apartment, and into his bedroom. Kenny was surprised to see that the bed wasn't made, and the entire room was somewhat rumpled compared to the rest of the apartment. A laptop sat open on a crowded desk (a huge stack of manila folders alongside it that looked somehow work-related), a colorful screensaver playing across it.

"Nice room," Kenny said. "Nice to see a little clutter."

Butters smiled and picked a pair of pajamas up off the back of the office chair. "I-I'm going to go put these on. Do you want to borrow a pair?"

Kenny thought about the threadbare boxers he was currently wearing under his jeans. Normally, he would just sleep in those (or nothing at all), but he suddenly found himself caring for once about the opinion of the person he was with.

"Sure. I'll wear a pair of your pajamas."

Butters beamed happily and pulled open a drawer on his dresser. "Help yourself to whatever you want. I'll be right back." Butters carried his pajamas from the room; Kenny heard the bathroom door close and the exhaust fan come on a moment later.

Kenny pulled out the first matching shirt and pants he spotted, a simple pair of light blue cotton pajamas. Ordinarily if this were a stranger's room, he'd also rifle through the rest of the drawers looking for anything he could pilfer, but instead he closed the drawer and waited for Butters to return. He heard the toilet flush, and a moment later Butters returned. Kenny couldn't help but grin at what he was wearing.

"Terrance and Phillip pajamas, Leopold?" He snickered. "I didn't even know they made those in adult sizes."

Butters looked down at his bare feet, his old habit of rubbing his fists together resurfacing. "Why, sure they do. Amazon dot com carries a whole line of their stuff."

"Well, it looks cute on you." Kenny smiled, walking around him and out the door. "I'll be right back."

As he'd expected, Butters' bathroom was spotless. Kenny raised the toilet seat, peed, flushed, lowered the seat again, and shed his clothes, threadbare boxers and all and put on the borrowed pajamas. They were at least a couple sizes too small and smelled faintly of fabric softener; Kenny liked the feeling of them against his skin.

He heard the central heat come on, and felt warm air wafting lightly past him. Butters' bed would be really warm too. This was one of the nicest places he'd spent the night in a long time.

He carelessly wadded his own clothes together and set them on the counter by the sink for morning. As he reached for the doorknob, he spotted Butters' clothes hanging neatly from a hook on the back of the door. The white cap of a pill bottle in the shirt pocket caught his eye. If it had been in the medicine cabinet, he wouldn't have touched it, but its location aroused his curiosity and he removed it from the pocket and twisted off the child-proof cap.

He recognized the Ambien immediately, and there were at least three other kinds of pills mixed in with them. Kenny remembered the bottle of vodka on the front seat of the car, and instantly put two and two together.

Shit. He stared at the pills for a long moment, then made another decision and put the cap back on and returned the bottle of pills to its place in Butters' shirt pocket. He took one final look at himself in the mirror over the sink; the pajamas were an incongruous sight, the sleeves ending four inches above his knobby wrists. He opened the door and walked back into Butters' bedroom, fixing a smile on his face as he entered.

Butters was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking nervous and somehow fragile as he gazed down at the floor. Kenny walked over and sat down next to him, putting an arm over his shoulder.

"So," Kenny said, squeezing Butters' thin shoulder blade through the cotton fabric of the Terrance and Phillip pajama shirt. "Wanna lie down?"

Butters nodded, still looking downward. Kenny lay down on his back with his head on one of Butters' pillows, and Butters settled next to him with his head on Kenny's chest, one of his hands curling into a loose fist on the borrowed shirt.

"Is this okay?" Kenny whispered.

Butters wrapped his arm tighter around Kenny's chest. "It's wonderful, Ken."

They lay quietly for several minutes. Butters eventually seemed to grow restless, shifting around as if he were trying to get closer, pressing his face against the soft cotton beneath his cheek.

"You can do anything you want, you know," Kenny said. He'd forgotten for a moment that he'd given Butters' money back to him, and thought about how much it must mean to Butters that he had been happy to pay him $200 just to cuddle like this.

Butters reached up and unbuttoned the top two buttons of Kenny's pajama shirt and reached inside, pressing first his fingertips and then his face to the bare skin he'd uncovered. Kenny looked at the top of his head, nuzzling into the soft blond hair to kiss the scalp beneath it.

The extra skin contact seemed to be what Butters wanted, and he settled down quietly again. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Sure, dude." Kenny pushed one of his legs beneath the blanket, then bent his knee and pulling the blanket toward him with his foot. He reached for it with his free hand and pulled it up over them, placing the end of the blanket around Butters' narrow shoulder blades.

"Feel good?"

Butters nodded, and a few minutes passed. Kenny knew Butters was still awake.

"Dude…" Kenny finally asked. "Do you want to tell me what's going on with you? I mean, why are you cruising the warehouse district for someone to cuddle with you for money?"

He felt Butters tighten around him and realized he may have said the wrong thing.

"Too personal, huh?" Kenny asked and shook his head. "You don't have to answer that."

Butters sighed. "No…it's all right, I guess. It's…it's a long story, Ken. It's my life, my parents…my career…the future. I…There's all this… _stuff_ I have to keep doing, and, and I…" His voice quieted to a whisper, and the fist lying on Kenny's chest became a claw, grasping desperately at his shirt. "I don't think I can do it anymore, y'know? I mean… "He stopped talking and sighed unhappily.

"Do…what, Butters?" Kenny asked. "I mean, this is a nice apartment. You have a really sweet car. It looks like you're doing okay for yourself, aren't you?"

"But that's just things, Ken." Butters' fingertips were rubbing at Kenny's borrowed pajama top obsessively. "And things don't…they don't…"

"They don't what?"

"They don't fix loneliness!" Butters said loudly, as if it was torn from him, despite his trying to hold it back. "I'm just—" he sniffed loudly. "So lonely, Kenny."

Kenny winced. "Oh…okay, shh, c'mere." Butters wasn't finished, and Kenny listened quietly as he continued.

"I mean…they've done experiments with baby monkeys, where they separated them from their mothers. One group only got fed, and the other group got fed, played with and interacted with." It was as though he was reciting something he'd once read and memorized. "The monkeys who were only fed all died; I…" His voice trailed off for a moment. "I think people can die from that much loneliness too."

Kenny was lost for words for a moment, finally coming up with, "Aww, dude. Is it really that bad? What about…you must have some friends-?"

"Friends!" Butters said angrily, fingers digging almost painfully. "You mean the people I went to school with? The people who all had successful careers in journalism and sports, a-and became doctors and businessmen, and—and made it out of South Park and never looked back? People like  _you_? Yeah, they all give a shit…" Butters was quickly becoming upset, and Kenny was afraid he might jump up and run from the room.

"Okay…okay, shh…"

"No one where I work really wants to be friends with the obviously gay guy." He took a deep breath and blurted angrily, "Y'know, I just asked you to do one thing: Cuddle with me. I didn't ask you to try to psychoanalyze me or anything."

"Okay, you're right." Kenny hoped he would be able to salvage this. "Hey man…let's just reset, all right?"

Butters nodded and seemed to settle again. "Okay." He sounded more resigned than angry.

"Dude…I'm sorry." Kenny pulled the blanket tighter around both of them. "I didn't mean to pry, and I sure didn't mean to upset you." A possible course of action occurred to him. "But look…you know how I gave you your money back, because if I took it just to cuddle with you and pretend that I care, it wouldn't be honest? I can't pretend about something like that, and...well…my prying into your personal shit was kind of another way of showing you I care. I do, you know? We were good friends once…maybe we could be again."

That seemed to be Butters' cue to sob into Kenny's chest, reaching around his chest to pull him closer. Kenny rubbed his back while Butters cried mostly quietly, getting himself under control several minutes later, lying with his head on Kenny's chest. It had been years since he'd heard another person's heartbeat.

"Feel better now?" Kenny finally asked.

Butters sniffed, wiped his nose with his hand, and nodded. "Yeah. I'm sorry I got mad, Ken."

"'s'okay."

"It is kind of nice to have someone to talk to about this, I guess."

"Good." He cradled Butters' head in his hand. "In that case…do you want to tell me about that pill bottle in your shirt pocket?"

He felt Butters stiffen. "Shit," he whispered.

"It's okay," Kenny tightened his arm around Butters' back. "I put it back where I found it. But dude…there's only one reason to have a pill bottle with that many different kinds of pills in it."

Butters sighed. "My twenty-fifth birthday's in two weeks," he said in a tired monotone. "I was saving them for then…but I woulda taken them tonight if the cops tried to arrest me…"

Crap. Kenny had learned more than he wanted to about suicide and suicidal ideation, after Karen's attempt a year ago. Butters had a plan, and he had intent.

"Did you mean what you said, Kenny? About us being friends again?"

"Uh huh," he replied immediately. "It was  _great_  running into you tonight, man! Listen…remember I told you I cooked and washed dishes at the Olive Garden? I'm a hell of a good cook, and…well, if I promise to come over here for your birthday and make you the best damn birthday dinner you've ever had, would you think about…you know, not killing yourself?"

He felt Butters nod against his chest. "Okay…"

"Good! Dude, we're going to fix this, all right? You're not going to be lonely anymore, I promise."

Kenny stared at the ceiling, holding Butters close and tracing slow lazy patterns up and down his back.

"Where do you live, Ken?" Butters asked a few minutes later. He hoped Kenny lived somewhere comfortable, or at least where he could be warm on the winter nights.

"Ah…I live with a couple other guys, about four blocks from where you picked me up." He left out the part where the people he lived with were both fulltime rentboys, sharing an old leaky trailer in a shitty neighborhood just like the one he had grown up in. A lot of meth passed through their house, and Kenny found it harder each day to not go back to using again. "We share a trailer, and the guy that holds the lease on the place charges me a shitload of money to live there. But it's still cheaper than having my own place would be, so it's either that or sleeping under an overpass…and that's pretty hard to do in the winter."

"You know…you could live here, if you want to. You wouldn't even have to pay me rent or anything! You could…"

"No, I couldn't," Kenny interrupted. He knew Butters was about to protest and wrapped his arms around him. "I can't do that. I can't sponge off of you."

"Yes you can," Butters replied simply. "You don't know how much you've done for me tonight…but as long as you keep doing it, you could live here as long as you want to."

"Butters…no, I can't…" But Kenny was thinking about how good it felt to lay here like this in a warm and clean room, with someone he truly liked.

"Would you think about it at least?" Butters asked, giving him a desperately hopeful look, one which Kenny was unable to ignore. "I have another bedroom you could have if you wanted. You could…give up that other job."

Kenny looked back at him and smiled. "Give up my gig at the Olive Garden and become a fulltime male prostitute? Yeah…maybe that  _could_  work."

Butters laughed, and it was the first real laugh Kenny had heard from him all night. "Ken…you know what I meant!"

Kenny smiled. "I know." He tightened his arm around Butters' back. "Hey…I've missed hearing that laugh of yours. You always did have the coolest laugh of any of our friends. You should do it more often, dude."

"If you lived here with me, I bet you'd hear it a lot more."

Kenny took a good look at what he was doing right now and came to a decision. "You know what? All right. I'll move in here with you, but only under one condition."

Butters' silence was Kenny's cue to continue.

"I'm going to do more than just cuddle with you. I'm going to help with the rent, do some of the cooking, help keep the place clean…if you're okay with that, then we have ourselves a deal."

Butters hugged him, hard. "Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you, Ken."

They lay quietly together. Kenny finally broke the silence.

"Remember when we went to Hawaii, when we were kids?"

Butters snorted. "Like I could ever forget that! Remember when we were flying  _back_ from Hawaii, and we had that four hour layover in Los Angeles for our connecting flight?" Kenny started laughing too; he'd hadn't thought of this in years. "My Aunt Nellie met us for lunch, and you kept insisting we had to find a restaurant that made Chi Chis so I wouldn't freak out again, even though we were both way too young to drink?"

They talked late into the morning. Butters brought Kenny up to date about their childhood friends: Kyle was an orthopedic surgeon at a major hospital in Dallas, sharing a place with Stan who had found some success as a guitarist in a local band and ran a cash register at a liquor store. Cartman was a new car salesman.

Kenny told him about his life, washing dishes and some of the less unpleasant aspects of his 'other' job, and how Karen was putting her life back together (Butters caressed his face while he was telling him about this), and how his parents had finally split up for good. Clyde had spent some time in prison for larceny, and Craig and Tweek had disappeared together out east somewhere.

By the time they both found themselves struggling to stay awake, dawn was beginning to light up the bedroom window. Butters stretched up and kissed Kenny's cheek. "Thank you, Kenny."

"Naw, dude. Thank  _you_."

Butters reached over and turned his lamp off and lay back down with his head on Kenny's chest. They were both asleep a minute later.

When Kenny awoke the next morning, the first thing he felt besides the blessed warmth of the bed he was in was Butters' arm wrapped around him from behind, and his erection pressed against his lower back. His waking up must have awoken Butters, because he felt Butters' arm tighten around him even as his lower half moved away.

Kenny smiled, pressing his face against Butters' wrist to kiss it, then turning over so their faces were inches apart. There was an obvious tent in the front of Butters' pajama pants.

"G'morning, sleepyhead," Kenny said.

"Hey Ken." Their breath mingled between them. It was obvious Kenny was staring southward, and Butters suddenly looked embarrassed.

Kenny grinned, looking up at him again. "Hey…if you want, I could do something about that…?"

Butters locked eyes with him, nodded, and swallowed. Just before Kenny reached for Butters' pajamas, he asked, "Hey, this isn't your first time, is it?"

Butters chuckled. "No, Kenny…I—I've had sex before."

Kenny smiled, reaching to slide Butters' pajama bottoms down. His erection sprang upward, and Kenny wasted no time getting it into his mouth. Butters came almost immediately.

They showered together afterward, and after they'd soaped and shampooed and rinsed, Butters sank to his knees and took Kenny's cock in his mouth. The hot water struck Kenny's shoulders as he leaned against the wall, finally coming with a loud moan.

They barely made it to the Village Inn in time for the breakfast buffet. They ate together, talking and laughing like two old friends, not like two people who had been friends a long time ago. Afterward, Kenny suggested a trip to the grocery store for ingredients to make dinner. Butters bought everything Kenny tossed into their shopping cart, including a box of large trash bags that Butters told him he had plenty of at home.

After the grocery store, Kenny led Butters back past the warehouse district and into a rundown mobile home park, stopping outside a single wide trailer. He told Butters to wait there with the doors locked while he went inside carrying a couple empty trash bags. Three minutes later he came out, the two trash bags filled with clothes and clutching a laptop under his arm. Butters got out and helped him set the bags in the back seat.

That night, Kenny cooked dinner, an amazingly flavorful pasta primavera. When they went to bed that night, instead of having hurried sex like they had that morning, they made slow and passionate love to each other.

Afterwards, Kenny fell asleep with his head on Butters' chest, snoring softly. Butters stared happily at the ceiling, feeling a contentment he hadn't felt in years, the taste of Kenny's semen tingling pleasantly in his mouth. He wasn't sure what either of them had gotten themselves into, but he knew that his life had suddenly and completely changed for the better. His last thought before drifting off to sleep was,  _I think I'm going to be okay now._


	2. Chapter 2

“You know, I feel like kind of a jackass,” Kenny said, speaking into Butters’ hair as they cuddled under the blankets. It was early Monday morning; Butters had to get ready for work in an hour, and neither of them could sleep. “I’ve lived here one whole day now, and I never even asked you what kind of work you do.”

“Aww,” Butters replied from his new favorite place, next to Kenny with his head on his chest. “You’re not a jackass, Kenny!”

Kenny waited for him to continue, and when he didn’t, he said, “You still haven’t answered my question.”

“But you didn’t ask me one.”

Kenny’s eyes narrowed. “Sure, I did.”

“No…you made a statement.” He was trying not to laugh. “You said that you felt like a jackass, because you never asked me what kind of work I do.” 

Kenny replayed the last fifteen seconds of their conversation in his mind and realized he was right. “Oh…so _that’s_ how it’s going to be, huh?” Kenny moved his hands down Butters’ ribs as if to tickle him, making Butters finally laugh, and Kenny added, “Never mind; you must be a lawyer.”

Butters grinned. “Nah…I’m an accountant! Or, well…I work for an accounting firm. Right now I just crunch numbers for them, but I’ve been studying for my CPA license, and I probably could have taken the test and gotten it three months ago. One of the senior partners there says that once I do, I could probably be a junior partner in just a few months.”

Kenny moved his hands up Butters’ back, rubbing his fingertips up and down his spine. “That sounds like it could come with an awesome pay raise. What are you waiting for?”

“Um…” Butters looked down, suddenly sounding nervous. “I-ah, didn’t think I was going to be alive in twelve days. I—I kind of didn’t see the point.”

“Oh…” Kenny ran his fingertips through Butters’ hair. “Well…since your plans have changed—“ there was a slight question in his voice. “Maybe now you should go for it?” Butters hummed and nodded agreeably, turning his head to place a kiss on Kenny’s chest. He added: “I don’t know much about the subject, but I’ll help you study.”

“Okay.” Butters chuckled. “You know…that guy seems to mention it the most when I’m wearin’ pants that are a little too tight on me.”

Kenny laughed. “Showing off your, ah, _assets_ to the boss, huh?”

“Well, yeah, I guess so!”

“Well…sometimes you gotta know how to work that ass Butters, to get ahead in life.”

Butters set a fist on Kenny’s chest and rested his chin on it, looking up at him. “I s’pose so. I just kinda wish I could get ahead because I know how to work a calculator!”

They laughed and cuddled quietly for awhile. Butters finally looked over at his clock radio: 8:10. “I better go get ready for work.”

“Ooh, sounds like crunching numbers is a nine to five job.”

“Nine to five Monday through Friday, and sometimes later.” He hugged Kenny once more, then pushed the blanket off himself and sat up, reaching under the bed with a foot for his slippers. “Especially during tax season.” He scowled. “Yuck. What about you, Ken?”

Kenny sat up next to him. “My schedule changes all the time. I have to go in at two o’clock today and stay until closing. I probably won’t be home tonight until about ten.”

“How’re you going to get there and back?” Butters sounded worried.

“I’m a lot closer to work now than I was before.” They got up and started gathering clothes, Butters from his closet and Kenny from one of the trash bags in the corner beside the desk. Butters made a mental note to clear a dresser drawer and some space in the closet for him this evening before he got home. “It’s only a couple miles away from here, so I can just walk, and there’s a guy that gives me a ride home every night after we close. He’s going to love not having to take me to that trailer park anymore.”

“Well, if you _can’t_ get a ride home, you call me, mister!” Butters poked his arm with a finger. “I don’t want you walkin’ home at night.”

Kenny nodded. “Okay boss.”

Butters carried clean underwear and a tee shirt into the bathroom and quickly stripped off his pajamas, excited at the idea of Kenny walking in behind him and seeing him already naked. He turned on the faucet and adjusted the water temperature until steam was rising from the floor of the bathtub. Kenny came in just as he stepped under the warm water, giving Butters an appreciative leer. Butters couldn’t help but stare as Kenny took off his boxers and Flogging Molly tee shirt and stepped into the shower next to him.

They wrapped their arms around each other while steam rose around them. Kenny picked up Butters’ bottle of Axe and poured some into his hand, reaching around to lather Butters’ shoulders and back. Butters hummed happily, enjoying the sensation of Kenny’s slick hands as they moved over his sides and down his legs as Kenny knelt in front of him.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” Kenny moaned, taking Butters’ cock in his mouth, all the way until his nose was pressed against Butters’ pubic hair and bobbing his head vigorously. He was an expert at this; in less than a minute, Butters groaned loudly and came, Kenny’s hands molded against his slick buttocks as he rode out the aftershocks, leaning against the tile wall. He looked down at Kenny, still kneeling worshipfully on the floor in front of him.

“It’s your turn, mister,” Butters said, crouching down in front of him and urging Kenny onto his back. There wasn’t a lot of room, but they managed to make it work. Butters knelt between Kenny’s bent knees and went to work while hot water rained down over them. Kenny leaned his head back with a whimper and came, Butters making sure he was finished before pressing his face into the inside of one of his thighs.

“Jesus, dude,” Kenny moaned. “How’d you get so good at that?” They finally stood to finish their shower, Kenny rubbing Butters’ chest with a soapy washcloth. Butters still couldn’t take his eyes away from the sight before him.

He thought Kenny’s body was one of God’s marvels. Several years of better living away from the poverty of his childhood had filled him out, and hard work had added a lot of lean muscle. Especially his ass, which he reached around to cup in his palms as he pulled him close. He especially loved the dimples on each side just behind his hip bones. Butters had held his hands against them last night in bed while Kenny was on top of him, rutting into his mouth.

Just above the dimple on his left side was an old, almost completely faded bluish-yellow bruise. Butters had been wanting to ask him about it, and he rested his fingertips against it tentatively.

“How’d you get this, Ken?” He dragged the back of his nails gently along the slick flesh and over the discolored skin, carefully in case it was still tender.

Kenny twisted around to see where Butters was pointing. “Oh, that. I, ah, slipped on some spilled canola oil at work a couple weeks ago and fell.”

Something about his answer didn’t quite ring true, but Butters decided not to push it.

After they’d toweled each other dry, Kenny stayed in the bathroom to get dressed while Butters went back to their room. When Kenny rejoined him five minutes later, he gave a loud and exaggerated wolf whistle.

Butters turned his head away from the mirror where he’d been combing his hair, grinning. His ass was molded nicely inside a pair of snug-fitting tan slacks; brown dress shoes, a dark blue shirt, and a necktie with simple red and blue stripes completed his outfit.

Kenny smiled back. “ _Nice_ assets, dude!”

Butters smiled. “Thanks! I thought I’d ask Mr. Sheffield about takin’ that test today, and figured it couldn’t hurt to wear these pants when I did.” Butters turned back to the mirror, and Kenny’s cell phone rang from Butters’ nightstand. He strode across the room to answer it.

“H’lo?” His eyes narrowed. “Oh, hey!” He suddenly seemed all-business. “Uh huh.” He listened quietly for several seconds; Butters was watching him in the mirror curiously. “Oh wow…okay, sure. Ah…if I can get a ride, I can probably be there in about twenty minutes.” His eyes met Butters’ in the mirror.

“What’s up, Ken?” Butters asked, turning around.

“It’s work. They need me to come in early today. Like, right now.”

Butters glanced at his watch. “Where do you have to go?”

“It’s the Olive Garden on Grand Avenue, across from the mall?”

“That’s right on my way, Kenny!” It was actually two miles out of his way, but Kenny didn’t need to know that. He turned back to the mirror, giving the knot in his tie a final adjustment, and Kenny realized at that moment that he was falling in love with Butters. “I can have you there in _ten_ minutes.”

Kenny looked at him fondly before replying, perhaps for a few seconds too long. In the thirty hours since Kenny had first arrived here, Butters had already demonstrated that, once he relaxed, he was capable of being an absolutely delightful freak in bed (and in the shower!). But he was also a great companion the rest of the time they were together, often making Kenny laugh with an off-the-wall observation or comment about something they were either doing together or watching on television. And good _God_ did he love to cuddle.

Kenny finally looked away and pressed his phone against his tee shirt. “Are you sure, man?”

Butters nodded enthusiastically. “Of course! I drive right by there on my way to work.”

Kenny held his phone to his mouth. “Okay…looks like I’ll see you in twenty minutes.” He listened for a long moment. “Oh…all right…ah, thank you sir!” He ended the call.

“Our head cook up and quit today,” he said. “No notice or anything. My boss just told me if I do good taking over for him, I can have his job.” He was grinning happily, obviously excited. “This could be a really good thing for me!”

Butters dropped his hairbrush on the dresser and rushed across the room to hug him. “Congratulations, Kenny!”

They quickly finished getting ready for work, climbing into Butters’ car and driving off five minutes later. Butters had never paid much attention to the Olive Garden restaurant just a few miles from where he worked before, but as he drove into its parking lot he thought that this might be a nice place to go for lunch sometime soon.

“Drive around back,” Kenny requested as they approached the building. “The employee entrance is back there, and we might be able to get a few minutes alone together.” Butters did as he asked, parking next to the back door of the restaurant and shutting his car off. There was no one else in sight, and they quickly wrapped their arms around each other across the center console.

“Good luck today, Kenny!” He almost added _I love you_ and stopped himself at the last moment. It might be too soon for that; Butters didn’t want to pressure him. He added instead, “I know you’re gonna do great today.”

Kenny smiled at him. “I’ll see you tonight.” He looked down for a moment, contemplating telling Butters how he felt as well and added instead, “Thanks for everything, dude. I, ah…I’m glad we ran into each other.”

Butters leaned across the console to kiss him. “Me too, Kenny.”

Kenny kissed him back, then sat up and opened his door. He reached across the car to adjust the knot in Butters’ tie, not that it needed it. They smiled happily at each other.

“I’ll see you tonight dude,” Kenny said, brushing his fingertips down Butters’ cheek. Butters nodded and watched Kenny get out of his car. He didn’t start his car again until Kenny had gone inside and the door had closed.

**0-0**

The rest of the week passed mostly uneventfully while they learned each other’s habits, schedules, and what it was like to live with each other. They didn’t spend much time together during the day, Kenny’s new position keeping him out until after 10:00 every night. Butters made a simple dinner for them Monday night and kept a plate warm for Kenny, but when he came home with several take-out boxes of wonderful-tasting leftover food and announced that he’d gotten the job and he’d be able to bring leftover food home every night that he worked, dinner became one of Kenny’s regular contributions to their household.

Butters’ favorite time of day was when they were in bed after they’d made love, and Kenny was spooning him from behind while they drifted off to sleep. Lying with his back pressed against Kenny’s chest and an arm around him holding him close allowed Butters to sleep better than he had in years. By morning they would be on opposite sides of the bed, but waking up with Kenny just an arm’s reach away, their combined heat beneath the blanket, was closer to perfection than Butters ever thought he would get.

Early Thursday morning, Butters was awakened from a deep dreamless sleep by Kenny thrashing around behind him and crying out. His eyes flew open in the almost-dark room and he quickly turned over, reaching out for him. “Kenny?”

He gasped. “Oh God…I’m sorry, Butters! I…just had a really bad dream.”

“Aww…” Butters ran his hand over Kenny’s shoulder, feeling his way down Kenny’s body in the dark. “You’re safe now.” He scooted closer and put his arm around him. “C’mere.”

Kenny gratefully melted into Butters’ embrace. They lay quietly together; Butters could hear Kenny’s racing heartbeat, which slowed at he felt Kenny’s body relaxing.

He reached up to brush the hair across Kenny’s forehead. “Are you okay now?”

He felt Kenny nod. “Uh huh.” He sat up in the dark. “Gonna go pee though.”

Butters moved his arm away and Kenny slipped from the bed and made his way to the door. Butters rolled over onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. The only light was from the one in the bathroom; Butters left it on and the door open a couple inches for a nightlight. The bedroom brightened for a moment and then went dark as Kenny went into the bathroom and quietly closed the door.

He heard the toilet flush a minute later, and smiled as the light returned, just as it had been before. Kenny had thoughtfully put the door back just the way Butters had left it.

Kenny’s shadowy form moved through the darkness toward the bed, pausing to stand beside the mattress. “Hey, Butters?” He seemed smaller somehow, standing beside the bed, silhouetted by the dim light from the hall. “Can I be the little spoon for a while?”

It took Butters a moment to understand the question. Then, “why…sure, Kenny!” He moved back to his side of the bed and rolled onto his side facing him, holding the blankets up. Kenny crawled under it, facing away and moving closer until they were pressed together, Butters’ arm wrapped around his chest.

“That was a really scary dream, huh Ken?” He felt Kenny nod next to him.

They cuddled quietly. Butters finally whispered, “Do you want to tell me about it?”

Kenny paused, and hesitantly replied. “Ah…not really.”

Then he thought about it, remembering the nightmare that had awoken him. Maybe he _did_ want to talk about it, at least a little. The dream had been of his former life as a rent boy, and even as the memory of the nightmare faded, the event that had triggered it was as fresh and raw as ever.

_The man had pulled his disgusting penis from Kenny’s mouth and punched him in the side of the head, sending him sprawling naked on the filthy motel room carpet. As Kenny lay moaning in pain and trying to protect his face, two swift kicks to his side sent him into realms of pain he had only felt before during a violent death. He looked at the stained rug through pain-lidded eyes hoping the beating was over, and when several $100 bills fluttered to the carpet from above, he knew that it was._

“Yes.” He amended the answer he had given seconds ago. “I guess maybe I do. I was dreaming about that…other job I used to have. There were a couple of older men who liked it rough. There was this one guy; it…it was like he couldn’t beat up his wife, so he found me and beat me up instead. But he paid really good…and I needed the money for Karen…” He wrapped his hand around Butters’ wrist. “I had a dream about him.”

“Aww…you’re okay now.” Butters kissed the back of his neck, making sure Kenny could feel his breath against his skin. “I’m glad you don’t have to do that anymore.”

Kenny rolled over, wrapped an arm around Butters to pull him close, and decided it was time to take the plunge. “I love you, Butters.”

Butters’ eyes widened in the darkness. “Aw, Ken! I—I love you, too!” He wrapped his arm tighter around Kenny and pulled him as close as he could. “I think I fell for you before you even moved in here, right about the time you offered to come over and make me dinner for my birthday.” He took a deep breath and continued. “I wanted to tell you that for a while now, but I was afraid it might be too soon. I…I didn’t want to pressure you.”

“Ah, Butters.” Kenny moved his hands down Butters’ back, reaching inside the bottom of his pajama shirt to rub his back. “I can tell you the _exact_ moment I fell in love with you: It was when you were fixing your tie in the mirror this morning. You just…you looked so perfect, standing there. And you’ve _always_ been a good friend to me. Even when we were kids.”

Butters sighed happily and closed his eyes. This time when they fell asleep, they did so facing each other, arms entwined around each other’s back.

On Friday morning, just like they had for the past four days, they left the apartment half an hour earlier than Butters needed to drive Kenny to work. Butters arrived home that evening just before 5:30; when Kenny finally walked in the door five hours later, he looked exhausted. As he melted into Butters’ embrace, Butters whispered in his ear, “Oh geez, Ken, you look really tired.”

“My boss said the same thing when I was leaving tonight,” Kenny replied, nuzzling into Butters’ hair. “He finally noticed today that I’ve worked almost sixty hours in the past five days. He promised to hurry up and hire someone to fill my old position…and gave me the weekend off.”

“Ah…good!” Butters took a step back, holding Kenny at arms’ length. He rested the fingertips of one hand against his forehead and closed his eyes. “I sense…a lot of sleep tonight in your future. And…and a marathon of TV watching tomorrow.”

Kenny laughed. “Dude…that sounds perfect.”

Kenny kept nodding off all through dinner, and finally Butters stood up and put a hand on his shoulder. “Come on, Kenny. Off to bed with you.”

Kenny nodded and allowed himself to be led from the kitchen down the hall to their bedroom. He sat down on the edge of the bed. Butters knelt on the floor and untied his shoes, pulling them off and then peeling his socks off.

“Geez,” Kenny moaned, struggling to stay awake. “I hope my feet don’t stink too bad.”

“I don’t care if they do.” Butters sat up and eased Kenny onto his back, reaching down to unbutton his pants and pull his zipper down.  Kenny closed his eyes as Butters pulled his pants down and off his legs, crawling onto his side under the blanket wearing just his boxers and tee shirt. Butters lay down behind him and tucked their blanket over them, wrapping his arm around Kenny’s chest and once again making him into the little spoon. “Just go to sleep.”

Butters tickled his fingertips up and down Kenny, tracing random patterns across his shoulders and back until long after he had fallen asleep. Once Kenny had been snoring for awhile, he cuddled up behind him and closed his eyes. The living room and kitchen lights were still on and there were dishes that needed to be rinsed off and put in the dishwasher, but Butters didn’t care. He only knew that the man he worshipped was sleeping next to him, and he was no longer lonely.

It had been the happiest week of Butters’ life.

**0-0**

The next day, Kenny slept in while Butters quietly puttered around their apartment. He ate three Olive Garden bread sticks and a piece of lasagna Kenny had brought home the night before, finally settling onto the couch with a clipboard and practice CPA license test. He was growing bored and restless when Kenny finally wandered into the room, rubbing sleep from his eyes and looking rested.

Butters looked up from his practice test. “Oh, look who finally decided to rise and shine!”

Kenny walked up behind him, placing his hands on his shoulders and nuzzling into the top of Butters’ head. His hair was just beginning to thin across the top of his scalp; Kenny thought that in ten years a balding Butters would still look just as adorable. “I may have risen,” he said, planting a kiss against Butters’ scalp. “But whether I actually shine or not remains to be seen.” He sat down next to Butters.

“You always shine, even when you’re sleeping.”

Kenny chuckled. “So do you, dude. I’ve watched you sleep a couple of times too, you know.” He picked up a breadstick from the plate on the table and bit into it. “So…what’s on the agenda for today?”

“More breadsticks…lots and lots of them,” Butters replied, and they both laughed. “You’ve brought home enough of them to feed an army. We have to either eat them, figure out a way to make croutons or something out of them, or carry them outside and feed the birds.”  

They ate a dozen more breadsticks between the two of them, and by late afternoon they were curled up together on the couch watching a rerun of The Big Bang Theory and feeding each other popcorn from a bowl they were holding between them. Just as the show went to a commercial, Kenny’s cell phone rang.

“Huh. I hope that isn’t work calling me in.” He picked his phone up from the table and answered. “H’lo?”

His eyes narrowed, and he sat up straight a moment later, “Nope! I’m not doing that anymore.” He paused, then said angrily. “No, _you_ need to _fuck off!_ ” He ended the call.

Butters had sat up and was looking at him, concerned. “Ken?”

“That…” Kenny closed his eyes. “…was an old _client_ …and if I never see him again for the rest of my life, I can die happy.”

“Oh, geez…” Butters put his arm around Kenny’s shoulder. “I’m awful glad you don’t have to—“

Kenny’s phone rang again, interrupting him. Kenny answered, looking at the caller ID this time. “Listen, asshole, I just told you…” he trailed off, then added more softly: “What?”

Kenny held his phone away from him, looking at the screen. Someone had sent him a video, and as they began to watch it, they both gasped at the same moment. Neither of them could take their eyes away from the scene on the phone’s tiny screen: Kenny, naked and on his knees, blowing a much older and obese man standing in front of him. The man’s head was above the camera’s field of view and he had his hands tangled roughly in Kenny’s hair and was grinding into his face, and from the strangled sounds coming from the phone it was clear Kenny wasn’t enjoying himself. It was a short video; after only a few seconds, the man grunted in the throes of orgasm, then withdrew and punched Kenny in the side of his head, sending him sprawling onto his back. The man disappeared for a moment, then stepped back in and kicked Kenny viciously in the side twice, making him scream in pain.

Butters now knew where the bruise he had noticed on Kenny had come from.

“Fucking _whore!_ ” the man said, his voice tinny in the little phone speaker. He dropped several bills on the floor next to Kenny’s head and left, leaving Kenny gasping and moaning in pain on the floor. The video abruptly ended.

“Oh, Kenny!” Butters cried, throwing his arms around him and pressing his face into his hair. For a few moments, while he was watching that disturbing video, Kenny had forgotten he was even there. “Why would someone send you that?”

Kenny was as white as a sheet. “That…that was the guy I told you about; the one that likes to hurt me? He…he said if I didn’t meet him tonight, he would send that video to my boss at the Olive Garden.” The phone slipped from his hands and landed on his leg.

“Oh God…” Butters hugged him, hard.

“I don’t know what to do!” Kenny moaned. He began rocking back and forth, Butters still holding him and moving with him.

“We can…we can go to the police…”

“I don’t even know his whole name, Butters! I don’t know anything about him, except his first name is Bill and he’s some rich guy. And…he said if I tried anything like that, he’d kill me! Oh God…” His voice faded to a whisper. “I don’t know what to do…”

“Kenny…you can’t go anywhere with him! We’ll figure something out, we’ll—“

Kenny’s phone rang again from his lap.

“I don’t…I don’t think I have a choice, Butters. I’m…going to have to go with him, or he’s going to ruin my life.”

Kenny answered his phone. “Hello.” He sounded completely resigned, bowing his head as he listened. “Okay. But just one more time and then we’re finished. I mean it.” Kenny rubbed his eyes while he listened for a long moment. “No, I don’t live in that trailer anymore….I’m at the Carlton Arms Apartments, building C. And you’re _not_ coming in my house; just park when you get here, and I’ll come out.” He wiped a tear from his cheek; Butters pulled him closer. “Okay.” He closed his phone.

Butters was watching him intently. “Ken?”

“He says he’ll be here in ten minutes. And that I was getting too old for him anyway, and that this will be for _old times’ sake_.” He shuddered, not wanting Butters to know why that frightened him so badly, but he was pretty sure Butters understood anyway.

Kenny was afraid that tonight might be the night “Bill” went too far, again. The videoclip he had sent Kenny was mild compared to some of their other times together. Bill had once, in a cocaine-fueled rage, beat Kenny’s face until it was no longer recognizable, then pounded the back of his head against the floor so hard he’d died hours later, alone in a dingy motel room. Kenny wasn’t afraid of dying so much as he was afraid of what would happen when he came back and the world reset itself the next morning. Butters knew Kenny was leaving with Bill and what they would be doing, and that meant that if Bill killed him tonight, Butters would have to forget Kenny had gone with him. Kenny realized he might wake up again in that drafty old trailer with Butters having forgotten everything about the past week that they’d lived together.

But even that wasn’t Kenny’s greatest fear, and as Butters pulled him against his chest and held him, he gave voice to it. “Hey…you still love me, right?”

“Ken…of course, I do!” He kissed the top of Kenny’s head, brushing his fingers through his hair. “Nothing’s ever going to change that.”

The ten minute wait felt like a lifetime. They finally heard a car drive up into the parking lot, and they both looked out the living room window. A black sports car had just turned into their parking lot and its driver was looking for a place to park.

As they stood together, Butters asked, “Kenny, are you _sure_ you have to go with him? There’s got to be a way; I can’t stand the thought of you getting hurt.”

“I’ll be okay, Butters. He’ll ruin my life if I don’t go with him…and he’s never really hurt me _too_ badly.” _And I hope you can’t tell I’m lying to you_. “This will be the last time I’ll have to do this.” He hugged Butters, hard. “God, I love you.”

Butters brushed his fingertips down Kenny’s cheek. “I love you too, Kenny. Oh geez, I wish there was some way…”

Kenny shook his head sadly. “I’ll be all right.” But as he opened the door and walked away, his head was down and his shoulders were slumped in defeat. He had the look of someone walking toward his own execution.

Butters looked out the window anxiously, watching Kenny approach the shiny black car in the parking lot. He would gladly take Kenny’s place if he could. As Kenny approached the car, Butters’ eyes suddenly widened; it wasn’t just any sports car, it was a shiny black _Ferrari_ , and even if he hadn’t spotted the vanity plate on the front of the car (MONEY1), he would recognize that silver-grey head of hair on the driver anywhere.

“Oh… _hamburgers_ ,” he whispered, watching Kenny walk up to the passenger door and open it. “Oh, no, _no_ …”

He felt the world he had built for himself starting to crumble around him, and also knew in the same moment exactly what he needed to do.

He looked frantically around the living room for his cell phone, spotting it on the dining room table. He quickly retrieved it, and grabbed a pair of scissors from the junk drawer in the kitchen, carefully pushing the tip through the fabric over his shirt pocket, taking care not to stab himself. He was ruining a forty-dollar Van Heusen dress shirt, but didn’t care. He clipped a small hole in the shirt pocket, turned the phone’s camera on and slid it into the pocket, its lens perfectly centered behind the hole he had made.

Dropping the scissors on the counter, he hurried out of his apartment, the slamming door echoing up and down the hallway as he ran outside.

**0-0**

Kenny slammed the car door way too hard, enjoying the feeling of rebellion that simple act gave him, settling into the passenger seat and staring glumly at his knees. Bill stared at him menacingly; he was obviously in a dangerous mood, and his wild eyes made Kenny aware he was flying high on cocaine.

“How’ve you been, Ken?” he asked, their usual opening line.

Kenny just grunted, refusing to answer him. Bill continued to stare, clearly relishing Kenny’s fear.

He finally started his car and leaned his elbow on the window as he backed out of the parking space and whipped the car around. He started to drive off.

Kenny looked up sharply as Bill suddenly slammed on his brakes, throwing him toward the fancy leather dashboard. Butters was standing three feet in front of the car, his hands balled into fists at his side. He clearly wasn’t about to move out of the way.

Bill’s eyes widened. “Mister Stotch? What are you—“

_“You’re_ the one that’s blackmailing my boyfriend?” Butters shouted angrily, his voice rising, while he moved closer to the car, resting his fists on the hood and still not getting out of the way. He clearly didn’t care if any of the neighbors overheard either. “And—and beating him up…and _hurting_ him?” He banged his fists against the hood and strode angrily to the driver’s side door and glared into the car.

Kenny watched Bill’s eyes narrow calculatingly. He didn’t know what was going on here, he only knew that Butters was trying to help him somehow, yet this evil man seemed to hold all the cards.

“ _Mister_ Stotch,” he said menacingly. “This has the potential of getting badly out of hand, and if it does I can promise you it won’t go well for either of you. You can lose your apartment and car and everything else in a heartbeat if I fire you.” Kenny listened to this and wondered what Butters could have possibly been thinking.

“And _yeah,_ I’ve done those things to your _whore boyfriend_ , and if you try to do anything about it, it’ll be your word against mine.” Only then did he spot the hole in Butters’ shirt pocket and the camera lens behind it.

“Oh, I don’t think so mister!” Butters said triumphantly. He took a step back from the car and reached into his shirt pocket to remove his phone, holding it confidently with both hands now and aiming the lens directly at Bill. Kenny’s eyes widened as he watched Bill stiffen in anger and then slump in defeat in the space of about three seconds.

“Oh…” Bill said quietly, all the menace gone from his voice.

Kenny realized the balance of power had shifted, even though he wasn’t completely sure why. There was clearly some kind of standoff going on here as Butters stared at Bill through the passenger window, all the while aiming the camera of his cell phone at the driver’s side window.

“Go ahead and get out of the car, Kenny,” Butters commanded, still staring at the viewfinder of his phone and holding it steadily, and Kenny was only too happy to obey, climbing out and slamming the door even harder than he had a minute ago and relishing the feeling. He walked around behind the car, joining Butters in staring into the car.

“Okay,” Bill said. “This doesn’t have to…”

“Shut _up_!” Butters snapped, still glaring angrily.

Kenny watched them stare each other down for a moment and finally asked, “Butters?”

“This is William Sheffield,” Butters replied. “The senior partner I told you about, who says I could be a junior partner at his firm someday, while staring at my butt,” His eyes never wavered. “And you’re right.” He was speaking to the man in the car again. Butters was still furious; Kenny could only stare at him admiringly. “This video _doesn’t_ have to show up ten minutes from now on youtube, or get sent to all three local networks’ news departments, a-and emailed to all the other partners…and your _wife._ That is, if you leave right now and never bother him again. And don’t even _think_ about giving _me_ any trouble at work, either.”

_Holy fuck_ , Kenny thought, struggling not to smile. _Remind me never to make an enemy out of him!_

Bill nodded slowly, staring into his lap, utterly defeated. His hand moved toward the gearshift when Kenny threw in a condition of his own.

“And you can also fast track Bu… _Mister Stotch_ … into that junior partnership position.”

Bill appeared to have aged ten years in the past minute. “And if I do…”

“Then no one else will ever have to know about this,” Butters told him. “All this will just go away, except for one thing: I’ll be keeping this video. Call it…insurance.”

Bill nodded, still not looking up. “Dude,” Kenny told him, relishing the moment. This was _much_ better than the fantasies he’d had of beating Bill to a pulp. “You need to cut this shit out. You’re going to get busted someday if you don’t…go home and buy your wife some flowers on your way.”

Bill drove off. They watched the black Ferrari drive away and pull out onto the street and speed off. Kenny finally gave in to the shuddering laughter he’d been holding back, leaning against the trunk of the nearest car to support himself.

“Holy shit, Butters!” He was laughing hysterically, but looked like he could start crying with relief at any moment as well. “Oh my God…that was amazing!” He was on the verge of hysteria.

Butters put his arm over his shoulder and stood next to him, wondering just whose car they were leaning against and hoping whoever they were, they weren’t looking out their window. “Yeah…it’s even more amazing because my phone only takes still pictures. It doesn’t even _do_ videos!”

Kenny froze, staring at him as if he had just witnessed a miracle, then started laughing even harder, and now he was crying as well.

“Oh my _God!_ ” He sputtered. “Oh God, Butters…I love you!”

Kenny realized he wasn’t going to get hurt or die tonight after all, and a million thoughts tumbled through his mind at once.   _And we make an awesome team, and you’re an amazing person and a wonderful friend, and we should have gotten together back when we were in high school, and if we had things would be completely different for both of us now._ All these things were on the tip of his tongue, and he finally pulled himself together for a moment to say instead, “So…it’s official? I’m your boyfriend now?”

Butters smiled. “I thought under the circumstances it would sound better than if I’d told him you were my roommate.”

Kenny started laughing harder, on the verge of a complete meltdown right here in the parking lot.

“Come on,” Butters said, grabbing his elbow and leading him across the parking lot toward their apartment building. Kenny managed to mostly keep it together until they were back inside their apartment; then he sat down hard on the floor, laughing and crying with relief and unable to stop, completely unembarrassed to be seen this way in front of Butters, who sat down on the floor next to him and slung his arm over his shoulder.

Kenny had no doubt now that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this man. He wasn’t sure how they would deal with his habit of dying occasionally, nor what he would do when Butters inevitably died forever someday, hopefully a long time from now, while he continued to live on. But these were bridges they would cross when they came to them.

“Butters,” Kenny said, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “You totally bluffed him, dude! That—“ he gasped and sobbed and laughed. “That was fucking _awesome!_ Holy shit, man…remind me not to ever play poker with you!”

“Aww…” Butters feigned disappointment and pulled him closer, embracing him and rocking him slowly from side to side. “I was just about to ask you to play strip poker with me!”

THE END


End file.
